England having given us what we all expected sooner or later, the Idents World Cup becomes the only game in town. ATV flags will be available in all branches of Poundland before the end of the week. And so to the Mike Prince Velodrome in Tamworth for the Group F matches.
HTV aerial 7 Open University 2 Open University 6 Scottish Television spinning lion 3 Scottish Television spinning lion 0 BBC2 Colour 1967 9 BBC2 Colour 1967 4 HTV Aerial 5 Open University 5 BBC2 Colour 1967 4 Scottish Television spinning lion 2 HTV aerial 7
A clean sweep for the aerial, and, in second place, the improvers of Milton Keynes.
Right, let’s crack on with the next round:
Anglia knight vs From the North – Granada From the North – Granada vs Teledu Cymru dragon Teledu Cymru dragon vs Central cake mark 1 Central cake mark 1 vs From the North – Granada Teledu Cymru dragon vs Anglia knight Anglia knight vs Central cake mark 1.
How remiss of me. I appear to have dropped the ball slightly. Never mind, we go live now to t where they’re using Peter Lewis’s jumpers for goalposts for the Group E results in the Idents World Cup. The games were scored as follows:
Channel 3 North East 2 Border chopsticks 7 Border chopsticks 2 Yorkshire Television Colour Production 7 Yorkshire Television Colour Production 0 ATV in Colour Zoom 9 ATV in Colour ‘Zoom’ 9 Border chopsticks 0 Channel 3 North East 0 ATV in Colour ‘Zoom’ 9 Yorkshire Television Colour Production 9 Channel 3 North East 0
As expected, C3NE got nowhere, and is slinking back to Newcastle as we speak. A fixture against the hated ident gave Border’s chopsticks its only win, but the worthy qualifiers are Yorkshire on 6 points and the sheer class of the ATV in Colour Zoom ident on 9 points.
And so to Group F.
HTV aerial vs Open University Open University vs Scottish Television spinning lion Scottish Television spinning lion vs BBC2 Colour 1967 BBC2 Colour 1967 vs HTV Aerial Open University vs BBC2 Colour 1967 Scottish Television spinning lion vs HTV aerial
Another very strong group, I feel. Can monochrome beardies in kipper ties writing quadratic equations on a roller blackboard outclass Paint Along With Nancy? Or will BBC2’s first colour symbol bring the trophy home to Pres B? Or will revolving wildlife spin the cup back to Hope Street, Glasgow? It’s over to you.
You join us live at the Tom Edwards Space Centre, Teddington Lock, Middlesex, TW11 9NT, for the thrilling stand-off between some of the greats of identdom. As Tanya Jones of Gypsy Creams pointed out, this was a strong group, but I think honour has been served. The rule of thumb so far has been ‘black and white idents don’t make it’, and this round doesn’t buck that trend, with Rediffusion London winning one of its games and drawing another, but failing to overcome the might of the BBC2 stripes on 6 points or the original Channel 4 blocks on 7 points.
And so to group E (the way you like it, really like it). Pick the bones out of this little lot:
Channel 3 North East vs Border chopsticks Border chopsticks vs Yorkshire Television Colour Production Yorkshire Television Colour Production vs ATV in Colour Zoom ATV in Colour ‘Zoom’ vs Border chopsticks Channel 3 North East vs ATV in Colour ‘Zoom’ Yorkshire Television Colour Production vs Channel 3 North East
I think I know the way this one’s going to end up. Can one of the most hated rebrandings of broadcasting history and a still ident with no music overcome the majesty of two of the ITV system’s biggest hitters? I’m going to go out on a limb and say no chance. Vote with your hearts and heads, please, and don’t just be perverse to prove me woefully wrong.
As the chorus of “He’s coming home, he’s coming home, he’s coming…Rooney’s coming home” gets loud enough to drown out the Uwe Seelers, as, thanks to Danny Baker, vuvuzelas are now properly known (and if you’re the twat who was blowing one in Norwich market place yesterday, a pox on you), we at the Idents World Cup alone give hope. Yes, like the old Home Internationals, it’s a contest where the trophy’s guaranteed to stay in the British Isles. And so we move swiftly to the Tony Curriedrome in Glesga for the Group C results.
Southern star 2 LWT river 11 LWT river 12 BBC1 COW 1 BBC1 COW 4 TSW tree of bras 9 TSW tree of bras 4 LWT river 9 Southern star 3 TSW tree of bras 10 BBC1 COW 8 Southern star 4
An unsurprising clean sweep for the LWT river, but a sharp intake of breath for number 2. I was quietly expecting the bucolic lilt of Steve Race’s jingle to bring home the locally-produced, farm-assured bacon for Jack Hargreaves’ Out of Towners, but the sheer barking majesty of TSW’s tree of bras nabbed it 2nd place. Sadly, the BBC1 COW (computer-originated world) didn’t induce the same “HOLY FUCK IT’S COMPUTERS!” frenzy in everyone that it generated in Mr Nesmith, but BBC1 has another bite at the cherry with the 1981-1985 mirror globe. And shame on you Kecske Bak for suggesting that the BBC COW is now known as Jana Bennett, although the utterly true story of her having to ask directions to TC4 after God knows how many years with the Corporation makes me sympathetic to your cause. And so to Group D. Pick the winners from these stand-offs:
BBC2 stripey vs BBC tv map BBC tv map vs Channel 4 original Channel 4 original vs Rediffusion London Rediffusion London vs BBC tv map BBC2 stripey vs Channel 4 original Rediffusion London vs BBC2 stripey
As I have been unable to find a decent copy of the Rediffusion London ident on YouTube, most of them being from multi-multi-gen VHS or terrible mocks by 12-year-old windowlickers, I’ve taken the liberty of encoding and uploading a recreation of a full Rediffusion startup, made by Kecske Bak and Rory Clark of Farcical Films, who are the Morecambe and Wise, nay the Rolls and Royce, to say nothing of the Dandelion and Burdock of archive TV graphics research. Get your votes in by 6pm, Sunday 20 June.
The engineers at London’s busy Museum telephone exchange are giving the patch cords a last-minute check, and, any moment now, we should be going over to the Sylvia Peters Continuitydrome at Alexandra Palace for the results of the Group B fixtures in the Idents World Cup (guaranteed vuvuzela-free since last week). The scores on the doors, collated from votes here, on Twitter, on Facebook and on Cook’d and Bomb’d, are as follows:
Thames skyline 11 ABC triangle 2 ABC triangle 5 BBC Schools diamond 8 BBC Schools diamond 11 Ulster oscilloscope on a stick 2 Ulster oscilloscope on a stick 4 ABC triangle 9 BBC Schools diamond 4 Thames skyline 8 Ulster oscilloscope on a stick 2 Thames skyline 10
I make that 9 points for Thames, 6 points for the BBC Schools Diamond, 3 points for ABC and sod all for Ulster. As one commenter said, it may well be that Ulster wasn’t fielding its best formation. Better luck in 2014, chaps. I must say that I’m surprised at the lack of love for the ABC chimes, but that’s identball. So in Group B, it’s a clear win for geography and geometry, and in the next stages it looks very much to me as if Thames will be playing Grampian, with the BBC Schools Diamond competing against Harlech.
This, however, is getting ahead of ourselves, and we must deal with the remaining group fixtures first. And so to Group C, which I believe to be a very strong combination of the iconic and the memorably strange. So, we’re looking for scores in the following matches:
Southern star vs LWT river LWT river vs BBC1 COW BBC1 COW vs TSW tree of bras TSW tree of bras vs LWT river Southern star vs TSW tree of bras BBC1 COW vs Southern star
While I have, in the interests of fair play, mostly kept ident clips to the bare minimum, I feel that the plucky Plymouth outsider’s offering is best seen in the context of first few minutes of the station’s gala opening show. Never before have leotards, blacksmithery and rapid-cut vision-mixing been combined to such devastating effect. And that’s before you get to a studio full of TSW staffers in party hats being exhorted to enjoy themselves by Lennie ‘TV’s Mr Punchlines’ Bennett. Voting on this round closes at 6pm on Thursday 17 June.
Three idents each won two games, bringing in 6 points, so we go to goal differences to break the tie and decide which two go ahead. Harlech is a clear winner, scoring 22 goals in winning games where its opponents managed 8, bringing a net figure of 14. BBC2 and Grampian each achieved 17 goals in the two games it won, but BBC2’s opponents racked up 13 goals in those same games, compared to the 12 scored by Grampian’s opponents, so Grampian joins Harlech in the knockout stage. So, Harlech will play the 2nd team to win Group B, while Grampian will take on that Group’s winners.
Which brings us neatly on to the Group B matches:
Thames skyline vs ABC triangle ABC triangle vs BBC Schools diamond BBC Schools diamond vs Ulster oscilloscope on a stick Ulster oscilloscope on a stick vs ABC triangle BBC Schools diamond vs Thames skyline Ulster oscilloscope on a stick vs Thames skyline
Voting will close at midnight BST on 15 June. You know the drill by now.
OK, more clips/stills to follow, but let’s get this oil-burning pig on the road.
TVS glass revolve vs Harlech eye test Grampian saltire vs TVS glass revolve TVS glass revolve vs BBC2 ‘Firecracker’ Harlech eye test vs Grampian saltire BBC2 ‘Firecracker’ vs Harlech eye test Grampian saltire vs BBC2 ‘Firecracker’
Is that everything covered? Scores for each game in comments, please. Each commenter can award 1 goal per game. Is midnight tonight BST late enough?
OK, at the suggestion of that nice TJ Worthington, I’m going to run an Idents World Cup. There will be one TV ident per team, with results to be decided by a combination of my whim and votes from people who give a toss here and on Twitter. We need 32 for the first round. I reckon we have to include: LWT river, BBC1 mirror globe, BBC2 stripey, ATV in Colour, Central cake mark 1, Border chopsticks, Thames skyline, YTV Colour Production, Anglia silver knight, Tyne Tees animated with Roger Limb (allegedly) music, From the North Granada, ABC triangle, Rediffusion London with Widespread World. How many’s that? 13? Right. We need 19 more quick-smart for the first round draw. Look lively.
Telly selly time: Kaleidoscope British Independent Television Drama Guide 1955-2010
Having mentioned the Kaleidoscope event below, I’ve just realised that I omitted to mention the new electronic version of their epic multi-volume British Independent Television Drama Guide 1955-2010. The Music and Variety Guide is one of the most frequently-consulted books in my possession, but I’ve dithered over buying the paper version due to lack of funds or shelf space. However, at £29.99, the PDF was a no-brainer. Hopefully the PDF of the BBC guide will follow shortly.